I'm a unitard

My life is a giant hot mess right now.  I decided to start this page rather than become an hero.  We will see how it goes.  I just need a place to write out my thoughts and try to figure things out.  Somewhere I can be honest.

I know my problems.  Rather than write a ton of detail about them for you, gentle reader, I will just list them out and you can go fuck yourself if you don’t like it.  My wife left me about 2 years ago, I work in a job where I feel unappreciated/undercompensated, I am a lazy fat slob, I am bankrupt, and I am alone.  Yep, that pretty much covers it. 

In school I was always a good problem solver.  Especially in math.  I was good at finding the solution.  Figuring it out.  I am good at that in my job, also.  I just can’t seem to figure out answers to some of the problems in my own life. 

(spoiler alert) - I’m just too lazy to do the hard work.

So whatever…this is depressing. 

I have this picture in my head of this person I wish I could be.  Fit.  Clean cut.  Organized.  Strong relationship with God.  Good dad.  Outstanding employee.  Smart with money.  Good friend.  I think I am able to achieve this.  But I won’t let myself do it.  Why?  Laziness?  How do you break past all of the failure? 

I honestly am at rock bottom.  I start the bankruptcy procedure next week.  I can’t get any fatter without being a Jerry Springer episode.  My apartment can’t get any messier.  I can’t get any more alone.  Honestly how can things get worse? 

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” - Tyler Durden

So tomorrow is a new day.  I don’t care what problems I face any more.  If my car dies on me in the next week/month (like I suspect may honestly happen) so what.  I just stop paying and the repo it. I’m just going to roll with the punches…